The Art of Imperfection: Navigating Guilt and Growth in Relationships
I upset my wife and it was okay.
This is not an invitation to upset your partners, but more of a realization that people who love you can be upset with you, and that is okay.
I know this seems like common sense, but I’ve always felt the greatest guilt when I upset someone I love or someone I know loves me. This tremendous guilt would culminate in an extremely negative state of mind, ending with depression for a few days. This would only subside when I realized that they were fine with me, that the world has not ended.
Why am I like this? Nature, trauma? The list of items that may have contributed to this mindset is doubly long, and I don’t believe I’ve accurately identified them to discuss.
Fast forward to a week ago, I upset my wife, as I always do, by being negligent. But this time, there was a reasonable amount of guilt. The reasonable amount of guilt that accompanies any instance of upsetting someone you care about, but not the guilt that makes you feel like you’re the worst person in the world; I think this is because I knew my wife loved me.
This is also not an invitation to abuse the love someone has for you, but a recognition that it is okay to make mistakes. As long as no one is intentionally hurt, it is okay to make mistakes. It is okay to be imperfect. My wife gave me the space to understand that, and I will forever be grateful for that. I think an ideal partner is someone who gives us the space to understand ourselves and grow in the process.
